It's You Chapter 17

'Please don't tell me why you're here,' said KyuHyun quietly when he opened the door. I bowed my head.
'No, KyuHyun, not yet. She still has a few days.' HyunJae pulled me into the house.
'HyunJae!' yelped EunHyuk, who was sitting on the couch. He jumped off and stared at her, looking stricken. He probably thought I'd told her about him.
'EunHyuk Oppa,' said HyunJae with a smile, stepping around the couch and hugging him.
He tensed up at first, then looked at me with a questioning look. I shook my head and pressed a finger to my lips. His expression changed to relief, and he hugged her back.
Someone hugged me from the back. 'I'm not letting you go anywhere,' said DongHae in my ear. I hung my head again, and he buried his forehead against my shoulder. I gently pried his fingers loose, then turned and faced him.
'You know I don't have a choice,' I said, squeezing his hand.
'I know. And it sucks that I can't do anything about it.'
'DongHae, you're not even supposed to be with me.'
'Still doesn't mean I can't do anything about it.' He ruffled my hair. 'Want to go outside?'
'Huh?' I said, bewildered. My face was probably in O.O mode again.
'Yeah! Do something daring!' He noticed my expression. 'Don't worry, we can wear those surgical masks or something. It's summer, it's hot, we both could be "sick" or something. Let's go to the mall!' He smiled, and I almost felt like going along with him.
'But...' I started, and he covered my mouth with his hand.
'No buts, let's go!'
'DongHae, this is crazy!'
'In case you haven't noticed, you're leaving JaeHwa. I won't see you... for a long time. Let's just break the rules for once in our lives, huh?'
That got me. 'HyunJae, I'm going out with DongHae, okay?' I said, turning to her and EunHyuk. They were both sitting on the couch, taking pictures. 'Uh, okay...' I said, my face in -.-" mode. I turned away, in time to see SiWon standing in the doorway. 'SiWon sshi...!' I said, whirling around to face DongHae, terrified.
Too late.
SiWon was looking past me, at EunHyuk and HyunJae. I thought I could almost see the vein in his neck throbbing. HyunJae whirled around at the sound of his name.
'SiWon sshi!' she said, delighted, then looked puzzled at is expression. EunHyuk stood up, putting his arm in front of her as if protecting her from SiWon. 'What... what's going on?' said HyunJae, looking from SiWon to EunHyuk. DongHae laid a hand on SiWon's arm.
'It's nothing SiWon, it's nothing, just walk away,' he murmured, trying to calm him down, which was pretty funny since SiWon was about a head taller than him. He was met with a cold stare.
'SiWon,' said EunHyuk warningly. HyunJae looked extremely puzzled, and I wished that I could do something.
'You know what? Let's go HyunJae,' I said, pulling her away from EunHyuk. He looked hurt, then shot a grateful glance at me. I spied YeSung and KangIn watching from their doorways. KyuHyun was next to DongHae. 'I'm so sorry, DongHae,' I said. He squeezed my hand reassuringly.
'That's ok, we've got time,' he said, smiling.
As we passed SiWon, he put his hand on HyunJae's shoulder. She smiled up at him.

BIG mistake.

EunHyuk jumped over the sofa and launched himself SiWon. The two of them went down in a struggling mess of limbs. And this time SiWon was fighting back.
'You don't own her, EunHyuk!' yelled SiWon.
'You have no right to touch her, none at all!' EunHyuk yelled back.
'Oh my God!' screamed HyunJae. I stood in one spot, paralyzed. I didn't know what to do. Drag HyunJae from this mess or let them clear it up for themselves. In the end, with DongHae joining in the fight, it was KyuHyun who decided what to do. He pulled us out of the doorway and into the lift, hurriedly pressing the button, his jaw set.
HyunJae sank down to the floor. 'What just happened?' she asked weakly.
'I'm so sorry HyunJae, I swear I never thought it was going to be this bad,' I said, sliding down next to her. I looked up at KyuHyun. 'What's been going on since the last time?' I asked.
'It's been pretty tense between them, but nothing's happened much.' He glanced at HyunJae. 'at least... until today.'
'JaeHwa, what the hell is going on?!' demanded HyunJae, pulling my sleeve. At the same time, the lift doors opened. We both scrambled to our feet.
'I won't go out with you, people might see me,' said KyuHyun. He drew me into a quick hug. 'Come back again JaeHwa, sorry about today. It just... wasn't supposed to work out today.'
'That's okay KyuHyun,' I said, stepping out of the lift and pulling HyunJae behind me. 'I'll be back, I promise.' I caught his smile disappear as the lift doors closed.
That was when I felt worried for what was going on upstairs.
---
'... why didn't you tell me this before?' asked HyunJae.
'I'm leaving. If I told you, I'd be leaving you with a problem to fix yourself. It would have been better if you didn't know at all,' I said, closing my eyes. I was tired. I'd been preparing to leave for almost 2 weeks now, packing the stuff I wanted, throwing away the ones I didn't. DongHae and Super Junior's pictures had taken a lot of thought on my part. I didn't know whether to keep them or throw them. In the end, I handed entire pile to HyunJae.
'Oh JaeHwa, now I know, and it's too late, what am I going to do now?' wailed HyunJae, clinging to me.
'I don't know, Jae,' I whispered, clinging back. I felt disorientated.
It still hadn't sunk in that I was going leaving, that the things that I took for granted would soon be gone.
'I think I have to stay away from them,' said HyunJae finally. 'Maybe if I cut off all contact from them, they might get over it.'
'Pretty heartless don't you think?' I said.
'You think of something then,' she said. 'And you're talking like a robot. What's up?'
'I didn't tell you something else that happened in the house.'
'No? Seemed like a lot of drama.'
'Well, there's more to it. But less them, more me.'
'So shoot.'
'DongHae kissed me.'
'WHAT?!'
'Twice.'
'I'm going to kill you.'
'Why? It's not as if YOU like him.'
'No, but you're killing yourself Hwa. You just made yourself attached to him, and you're leaving. What were you thinking?!'
'He said he wanted to.'
'I think that's pretty obvious. But did you?'
I thought about it for a moment.
'Yea. I did.'
HyunJae sighed. 'Aren't you in trouble, missy?'
'So are you.'
"Yea, we're losers aren't we?'
It was then that I started crying.
---
The next few days passed by in a blur. Every night I dreamed of DongHae. Of KyuHyun. Of EunHyuk, SiWon, HyunJae. And of JunSu.
Nearly every dream was a nightmare.
---
'I'm really gonna miss you JaeHwa,' said JunSu.
'So will I,' I replied, swallowing hard. The day before I was going to leave Korea. I didn't want to. I never wanted this day to come, but it was here, and it was already painful. Tomorrow would be murder.
'Well, I'll just wish you all the best and all that sort of generic stuff, ok? Then I'm putting down the phone.'
'Okay.'
Silence.
'JunSu...?'
'... I can't do this.'
'I'm the one who's leaving, not you. You still have HyunJae.'
'You know that it's not the same without you.'
'Goodbye JunSu. Get a webcam, okay? And get a nice girlfriend who can make you happy.'
'I don't want one. Not now.'
'Just think of our names on that tree. Forever.'
'Forever.'
'I'm putting down the phone now.'
'You know I love you JaeHwa. Don't ever forget me.'
'Never.'
'I don't want to say this.'
'You think I do?'
'You just did. Good luck in life, and find a nice guy, right? Bye JaeHwa.'
'Bye.' Whimper.
Click.
Silence.
---
What a difference from the group I'd come to know and love. Even though they all had new, edgy hairctus, they all looked like they were attending a funeral. And I was the one in the coffin.
They were having their hugging ritual again. It seemed like an endless line of hugs, mutterings of 'All the best.', 'I'll miss you JaeHwa sshi.' and a 'Don't gooooo.....!' from SungMin. KyuHyun said nothing, but he clung to me longer than SungMin, which to me felt like an eternity.
Then it was DongHae's turn. They left him for last. The special goodbye.
'I can't do this,' said DongHae, walking into his room and slamming the door. SungMin's eyes were red.
'I'll go-' said EunHyuk, but I cut him off.
'No, I'll go,' I said, biting my lip. I opened the door. DongHae was sitting in the corner, slumped, staring blankly into space. Even in the dim light I could see that his eyes were red.
'I'm the one who's supposed to be crying,' I said softly, sitting next to him.
He turned slowly to face me, then pulled me into him. Tears pricked my eyes and I shut my eyes tightly.
'I can't believe this is happening,' he whispered.
'You think that I can?' I muttered.
'So you can't think and I can't believe. What a great couple we are,' he said, laughing shakily. I smiled despite myself.
'I bet you wanted me to come in here with you so you could say goodbye privately,' I said.
'Partly. I can't say goodbye to you in front of them. I can't say goodbye to you full stop.'
'You're going to have to.' How many times had we had this conversation?
He sighed. 'Yeah. Guess I'm going to have to get used to that.' He held me tighter. We sat in silence for a while. 'Hey JaeHwa?'
'Hmm?'
'Find a nice guy over there.'
I sat up and looked at him. 'What?'
"I mean it. You'll do better without me.'
I could see the pain in his eyes.
'Shouldn't I be saying that? You're the one who's famous.'
'But you're the one who's got her whole life ahead of her. Seriously. Find someone. I won't mind.'
'Liar!'
'Maybe we weren't meant for each other.'
I reached out and held his face in both my hands. 'You're crazy.'
He looked away. 'Sorry JaeHwa.'
I hit him on the shoulder. He stood up and walked to the door. 'DongHae, why are you doing this? You're killing yourself!' I said, feeling confused. After all, wasn't he the one who kissed me? Who didn't want to let me go?
'At least I'll die happy,' he said, smiling sadly. I slapped him across the face. I hadn't meant to. It was just an impulse. Like I could slap some sense into him. Wanting him to take back what he said. He's just being silly. He's kidding.
He grabbed my hand and I burst into tears. 'You're not going to die, why are you doing this to yourself?' I sobbed. I was turning into a very emotional person these past few days.
'Because you're the first person I met who's ever made me feel this way,' he said quietly.
'You're ending it like this?' I said incredulously. 'You're going to let me leave?'
'You're going to leave anyway,' he replied. 'Your parents are just making it easier for both of us.'
'You're sick.'
'Maybe I am.'
He pulled me forward and kissed me on the forehead. Our fingers intertwined for a moment, then he drew away.
'Goodbye JaeHwa.'
He opened the door and led me out.
'She's got to go now.'
'No....!' yelled KyuHyun. Everyone turned to look at him. He had been quiet the whole time, but he was finally letting it out. I hugged him again.
'Forget me, KyuHyun,' I said. 'It'll be easier for you.'
'Are you going to forget me?'
'No.'
'Then why should I?'
There was a last round of hugs, last tears, and then I was alone in the lift with DongHae.
'Our new album's coming out tomorrow,' he said. 'You're going to miss it.'
'It'll be on sale in Japan,' I said, not looking at him.
The lift arrived at the ground floor.
'Well, this is it,' I said. 'Bye DongHae.'
'Bye JaeHwa.'
I was almost out of the lift when I heard him say 'I love you.'
I whirled around, but the lift doors were closing. I caught a last glimpse of his sad smile, then they were gone.
I love you. They were the most confusing words in the world.